awaken: an ending in the making

with another hit at the back,
another jab to the chest,
one more hook to the head,
and one last uppercut to the chin --
your combo finish went on exactly as you have planned,
and i found myself aching...
my whole body trembling...
my soul escaping due to shame...

like the sudden rush of pain
came the realization
that i will not ask for MORE of this...
tribulation is for those who have sinned...
torture, for those who committed ill doings...
my holiness should shield me from all these...

i am confident
that i may not dwell in YOU forever...
that after the moon has waned,
the shackles that has kept me beneath the earth
for hours that seemed years, and days that seemed eternity,
will be broken;
setting free the new me...

i will grow oblivious of your memory
this is my liking...
and i will not die waiting...
and i will not wait ANY MORE...
this is my liking...
i will continue...
i will take my life back...
this is my liking...

yes, i am taking my life back...
a life without the "I'M PATHETIC" sign on my forehead;
a life free of pain and self-disgust;
a life that i SHOULD be living...

for between the shroud of uncertainty
that made promises become just statements meant to be forgotten,
i have saved an innocent life from being dragged to lunacy...
my life...

the crave that you brought me is surreal...
but i'm gaining consciousness, now...
i'm finally waking up...
the reality of you is just a sand castle in the shoreline at low tide...
waves, no matter how gentle, will swallow it in an instant...

awaken, i found myself alone...
in a deserted island...
white sand, clear waters -- im in paradise
waiting for JOY...

the art of dying: take two

"just when i thought you love me too...
just when i felt happiness again...
just when it seems we'll be forever...
just when you told me i'm really the one...
just when love spelled hope anew...
just when you make me feel whole again...
... you chose to betray me... and leave me for another..."

=====================================================
so my day died yesterday;
and today, at dawn, the sun peeks at the easterly sea,
its rays spelling hope of us and foreverness.
i embrace you back in to me
dissolving every spec of bad memory
for me, you are still perfect.

but as fate tries my patience,
like God testing my faith,
you chose to live in a life without me.
and as meeting death the first time isn't enough,
i am scheduled to meet death once again.
the secrets you hid from me came like a lightning
so fast
shattering every pane of my glass window,
its shards enveloping my very flesh.
cutting every inch of me.

i woke from the dream i fabricated,
in reality,
you are forever gone.
and for the second time now,
i am dying
and the fast learner that i am
knows exactly what to do.
i have mastered the art of dying.
=====================================================


"between me and the guy you just knew,
-- the evils of internet --
you know you SHOULD'VE chosen me...
instead, you chose this guy who can never
give you the love you've given him - at my expense...
and as you enjoy this moment, i sit still in my lowly place,
waiting for the inevitable...
the death of love awaits..."